Timeless Moments Passed
by JustMe-Liz
Summary: Set after season4. Addison comes to Seattle with a shocking secret, asking Derek for help... But when complication arise their feelings are tested. Rating for later chapters. Addek, obviously.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Grey's Anatomy.

Derek groans when there's a knock on his office door, opening his eyes.

"Come in."

"Hi Derek."

He jumps up in surprise, staring at the woman in front of him blankly.

"Are you going to say anything?"

"Addison, what are you doing here?"

She sits down, looking at the ground for a while before facing him.

"Derek… I need your help."

"You… need my help?"

She nods, biting onto her lip nervously before handing him a file.

"It's a tumour. I didn't notice anything at first. I'd forget stupid things, like where my keys were and appointments. Then I started getting dizzy the whole time. I started fainting… I saw a doctor in L.A, he said it's non operable."

Derek frowns, looking at the scans silently.

"It's not. I could operate."

"But I might die. I know."

He puts the file down, looking up at her.

"How long have you known?"

"A while."  
"Addison."

"About three months."

"Why did you wait so long to come?"

She shrugs, standing up and turning away from him.

"It's normal, I guess. I was scared. I just came to my ex husband to ask him to operate on me… brain surgery. I…"

She walks up to him, grabbing onto his hands.

"Derek, I know you hate me. But there was a time when you cared about me and… think about that when you decide whether or not you'll operate."

Derek stands up, putting his arms around her automatically.

"There's nothing to think about. I'll do it. And Addie… I don't hate you."

A sob rips through her body as she clutches onto him, shaking her head.

"I'm so scared, Derek."

He lifts her chin, resting his forehead against hers.  
"Addison, I'm the best neurosurgeon there is. Don't be scared. I'll get you through this."

Addison shakes her head, wiping tears from her face.

"There aren't any guarantees."  
"No, there aren't. But I'm going to do my very best. I won't let you die, okay?"

She nods, pressing her head against his chest, allowing herself to inhale his scent, feel his touch.

Derek rests his chin on her head, rubbing her back slowly.

A tumour… Addie, _his _Addie, going under the knife, _his_ knife.

He closes his eyes, pulling her closer.

"I won't let anything bad happen to you, Addie. You're going to be okay."

She pushes him away after a while, resting her hand on his cheek as she looks up into his eyes, her lower lip slightly trembling with emotion.

"I know. I trust you."

"Oh, Addie!"

Derek pulls her close again, hugging her as hard as he can, tears forming in his own eyes.

"Just promise me that you're going to fight. Fight like hell to survive."

She nods, resting her head against his shoulder.

"I promise."

"We should get you checked in."

She turns away from him, taking deep breaths to calm herself before nodding.

"Yeah. We should."

Derek reaches out, taking her hand.

"You're going to be fine, Addie."

"Derek… can you do me a favour?"

"Of course."

"When you operate… on me… I don't want Grey or Karev in the OR."

He frowns slightly, but nods.

"Okay. Have you… talked to Richard yet?"

"No. I… didn't know what to say."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"Will you?"

"Of course."

They walk to Richard's office, still holding hands, both drawing strength from each others presence without the other even realising it.


	2. Chapter 2

I have come to the conclusion that I am an obsessed Addek freak. I can't stop writing them and I have way too many stories of them, but I can't help it.

I STILL don't own Grey's Anatomy and thanks so much for the reviews. I'm going to try and finish all the fics in a record time since I'm going to uni next year and then I won't have this much time…

CHAPTER 2.

"Meredith!"

Cristina, Alex, George and Izzie all look up when Meredith enters the locker room and sits down, shaking her head angrily.

"What's wrong?"

"Addison's here."

"WHAT?"

Alex jumps up, looking at Meredith seriously.

"Addison is here?"

"Yea."

"What's she doing here?"

Meredith sighs, shrugging.

"She needs surgery. Derek didn't really say much except that I'm not scrubbing in."

"You're not scrubbing in?"

"No."

Meredith sighs, repeatedly hitting her head against the wall.

"He didn't even say why. He just said that I wouldn't be scrubbing in."

Alex lifts a brow, looking at Meredith expectantly.

"Did he say who's scrubbing in?"

"I don't know. Ask him."

She rushes off again, looking furious and Alex sits down slowly, biting his lip.

"I wonder how serious it is. I wonder whether Shepherd will let me scrub in."

"Hey."

Addison looks up from her book when Derek enters the room, smiling nervously.

"Hey."

He sits down next to her, taking her hand.

"We've scheduled the OR for tomorrow morning."

"Thank you."

"Addie… does anyone know?"

"You mean our parents? No."

"Why not?"

Addison shrugs, avoiding his eyes.

"I didn't want to worry them."

"They'd want to be here. Both our families would want to be here."

"It's for the best, Derek. I don't want them… to see me like this."

"You should have told them."

"I know. But I just couldn't let them worry like that. You know them, Derek."

He nods, smiling.

"Yeah… and my mom would probably worry most of all."

"Yeah."

Derek reaches out, resting his hand against Addison's cheek.

"You just rest now. I'm going to ask Stevens and Yang to scrub in."

Addison nods, grabbing his hand when he stands up to leave.

"Derek…"

"Hmm?"

"If… if something happens… if it's not… if the surgery isn't successful. Would you just… please tell them… our families… that I wanted it like this? That I didn't want them to know anything?"

Derek lunges forward again, pressing Addison's hand against his mouth with force, looking up at her seriously.

"You're going to be fine. And you're going to tell them about the surgery yourself."

"Derek…"

"Addie, don't do this. Don't give up before we're even in the OR. You promised to fight."

Addison smiles sadly, rubbing his cheek with her thumb.

"It's so much easier being on your side of the glass."

Derek sighs, climbing onto the bed, putting his arms around Addison.

"I know it's hard, sweetie. But you promised me to fight."

"I know."

"You really need to rest."

"I know. I just… every time I close my eyes I just see… everything that's ever went wrong in my life and suddenly I'm just so scared that it might be all over in a few minutes."

Derek smiles, stroking over her hair.

"You over analyse. You think too much."

Addison smiles, resting her head against his chest.

"I know. I always have."

"Hey remember when we were married… and you had a difficult surgery or… you were stressed about something…"

"Yeah?"

"I'd tell you to sleep and…"

"Then you'd hold me until I fall asleep in your arms. I remember."

She turns her head, looking up at his face and smiles.

"Why?"

"Do you… want to… give it a shot? Just to get you to rest."

"You'd do that?"

"Of course."

She nods against his chest and he smiles, sliding down onto the bed, holding her close to his chest. Addison smiles when he takes both her hands in his, kissing her on top of her head.

"Sweet dreams, Addie."


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks again for the reviews!! Here's the next part, I hope you enjoy. It's odd, I know exactly where I'm going with this story but I seem to be writing slower when I write this one. Odd.

Anyway, I still own nothing.

CHAPTER 3.

Derek groans when his pager goes off, trying his best not to wake Addison. He carefully gets off the bed, kissing her on her cheek before slowly walking out, checking his pager. He bumps into a hard body going around the corner and looks up at Alex Karev, smiling.

"Karev."

"I want in on Addison's surgery."

"You don't do the sugar coat thing, do you?"

"No."

"Well, no. O'Malley and Yang are scrubbing in."

"Why? Why can't I scrub in?"

Derek sighs, deciding to tell him the truth.

"Because Addison asked me not to let you scrub in. And I'm going to respect her wishes."

"Is that why Meredith isn't scrubbing in either?"

"Yes. Anything else?"

Alex shakes his head, storming off without another word.

Derek watches his disappearing figure with a slight frown, suddenly wondering why Addison wouldn't want him to scrub in. He remembers about his pager going off though and hurries to the Trauma Room where Bailey is already waiting for him.

"Shepherd. Is it true? Is Addison really here?"

Derek sighs before slowly nodding.

"Yes. She has a brain tumour. I'm operating later today."

"How serious is it?"

Derek sighs, rubbing his neck.

"It's… very serious."  
"Is it malignant?"

"Derek sighs before nodding slowly.

"Yeah. It is."

"I want to see her file."

"I can't let you see her file, Bailey."

"I want to see her damn file, Shepherd!"

Derek shakes his head, squeezing her shoulder.

"I can't. I'm sorry."

"Callie!"

Callie O'Malley looks up when she hears her husband's voice, smiling immediately.

"Hey!"

He sighs, walking closer to take her hand.

"Callie, there's something I need to tell you."

"What is it?"

"You should… sit down."

He takes her hand, slowly leading her to a chair. Callie frowns when her husband sits down next to her, nervously stroking her hand.

"Okay, George, you're scaring me. What is it?"

"It's… Callie, Dr. Mont… Addison. Addison's here."

Callie frowns, suddenly scared.

"Why do you say it like that? What's wrong?"

"She's not here… as a doctor. She's here as a patient."

"What's wrong with her?"

George sighs, too aware of how his next words would affect his wife.

"She has a… a malignant brain tumour. Shepherd's operating later today."

Callie and George both look up when they hear glass shattering on the tile floor, for the first time noticing Mark Sloan a few feet away.

"Addison."

Addison slowly opens her eyes, smiling when she sees Bailey standing next to her bed.

"Hey."

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired. But otherwise good."

"Why didn't you say anything? We talk a lot, I mean… why didn't you say anything?"

"I… I couldn't."

Bailey nods, biting onto her lip.

"You've lost weight."

"I was… busy."

"Too busy to eat?"

"Miranda."

Bailey shakes her head, smiling.

"I have… I have to go. I just wanted to check in on you."

"Thanks."

"I'll pop in again before you go in to surgery. And afterwards."

Addison turns her head away, sighing.

"If it goes well."

"Addison."

"I know. I have to be… positive. Derek keeps telling me that I shouldn't give up before we go into the O.R. That I should fight."

"So fight."

"I don't know what there is to fight for."

"Addison, I…"

The door suddenly opens, causing Addison and Bailey's heads to turn towards it. Bailey excuses herself quickly, dashing out. It's not until the man is next to Addison, grabbing her hand that she speaks.

"Mark…"


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for the reviews… Yeah, I guess Derek has to be decent in at least one of my fics… Here's the next chappie. Hope you like.

P.S. I love Mark. He's seriously hot. Can you blame him for being a manwhore? I don't own Grey's Anatomy.

**CHAPTER 4.**

"What time are you going into surgery?"

"Three."

"You should have told me, Addie."

"I'm sorry."

Mark sighs, resting his lips against her forehead.

"It's okay."

Addison smiles when Callie enters the room, rushing to her friend.  
"Addison!"  
"Hey Cal."

"Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"Because I didn't want to."

"You're the most stubborn person I know."

Mark smirks, wiping a few loose strands of hair off Addison's forehead.

"You just be stubborn in that OR as well."

He walks to the foot of her bed, frowning when he doesn't see her file.

"Where are your charts?"

"With Derek. He… ah! Speak of the devil!"  
Addison smiles tiredly when Derek enters the room, winking at him.

"You realise everyone's looking for those charts, right Dr. Shepherd?"

Derek shrugs, tightening his grip on the file.

"I'm your doctor, I'm the only one who needs to see them."

Mark glares at him, reaching over to grab the charts. He opens them, biting onto his lip as he reads.

"What?"

Callie rushes forward, looking at the charts over his shoulder. Mark swallows, staring at the chart with a pale face and Addison sighs.

"That's why Derek didn't want you to see it."

Mark shakes his head blankly.

"Why didn't you tell us that it was this serious?"

"Because… I didn't want to see the look in your eyes when you found out that there wasn't any hope."

"Addie!"

Derek frowns angrily, cupping her face with his hands.

"Stop being so negative. There is hope. There's always hope."

"I want to sign a DNR form."

"No."

Derek is first to find his voice and he shakes his head angrily.

"No. I refuse, I… no, you're not."

"Derek…"

Addison sighs, looking at Derek, Mark and Callie quietly. Mark puts his hand on Derek's shoulder, leaning forward slightly.

"Derek, is there any chance that the tumour might be affecting her better judgement?"

Addison smirks, shaking her head.

"Guys, don't…"

Derek sighs, looking at her seriously.

"Addison, please. Please don't sign a DNR form. Please."

Callie nods, tears forming in her eyes.

"Come on, Addison. It's just stupid."  
"No. It's not."

"Look, Addison, I…"

"What's going on here?"

Bailey enters, frowning at the three people crowded around Addison's bed with grave expressions. She grabs the file from Mark, quickly scanning it. She hands it back to Mark silently, turning to Addison.

"What aren't you telling me?"

Mark decides to answer, his eyes not leaving Addison's face for a second.

"Addison wants to sign a DNR form."

"What?"

She walks up to Addison, glaring at her.

"Now you listen to me. Stop this ridiculous behaviour and be the Addison we know. You don't give up. You stay and you fight."

Addison sits up in her bed, her eyes blazing.

"Look, if I want to sign the damn form, I will. And there's nothing you can do to stop me. Now… get out of my room."

"Addison…"

Mark frowns and Derek sighs.

"Guys… just… listen to her. Just leave. Please."

"Fine."

Callie slowly leaves, followed by Mark and Bailey. Addison holds Derek back when he turns, looking at him seriously.

"Derek… I need a favour."

"Is this another if-I-die favour?"

"Yes."

Derek sighs, wanting to say no, but instead he smiles, taking her hand.

"So what is it?"

"Okay, so… if I die… I've written letters to… you, Alex, Mark, Richard, Miranda and Callie."

"Okay…"

"They're in my car… the spare key is here, in the drawer. I want you to take it and… if I die I want you to give the letters to everyone."

"Okay."

"Thank you."

"But then don't sign the DNR forms."

"Derek…"

"Please?"

Addison sighs, shaking her head.

"Why?"

"Because I don't want you to give up. I don't want you to die."

"Fine."

"You're not going to sign it?"

"I'm not going to sign it."

Derek grins, squeezing her hand.

"Thank you."

Mark looks up when Derek comes out of Addison's room, rushing forward.

"Please tell me you convinced her not to sign the form."

"I did."

Mark closes his eyes, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Derek, I know it's bad. I can see that. What are the odds?"

Derek sighs, looking at the man who was his best friend a lifetime ago.

"I don't like the odds. The tumour covers a large part of her brain and there's an 80 chance that even if she does wake up… she could be paralysed from the neck down."

"From the n…"

Mark wipes over his face before abruptly turning, rushing to the bathroom. Derek hesitates for a few seconds before rushing after him, only to find him bent over a toilet, retching feverishly. Derek sighs, reaching out to put a hand on Mark's shoulder. Mark finally looks up at Derek, his eyes brimming with tears and Derek nods.

"I know, Mark. I feel so too."

"I can't… even imagine… Addie like that."

"Neither can I."

"Does she know?"

"Yeah. She does."

"How's she handling it?"

"She's… scared. But you know Addison."

"Yeah."

Mark carefully pushes past Derek to wash his face, sighing before he turns to him again.

"Thanks for… telling me. And following me."

"You would have done the same in my position."

"Yeah…"

"And I know how you feel. We both love Addison."

Mark looks at him with a small frown, but doesn't say anything. He simply nods

before walking out of the bathroom, his hands grasped together tightly.


	5. Chapter 5

I'm ecstatically happy and I have no idea why. That's not the point. Thanks for the reviews, much appreciated… and here's the next chapter! Hope you like.

CHAPTER 5 

Derek takes a deep breath before picking up the scalpel, staring at the woman on the table intently.

His eyes flicker up to the gallery, immediately noticing Meredith and Karev sitting at the front, staring at him suspiciously.

Even though it's too far to see, Derek knows that there's a hint of fear in Meredith's eyes. He smirks automatically.

Seriously.

What was he going to do? Ravish Addison on the table?

He smiles nostalgically, his scalpel working accurately, thinking of a time ages ago when he and Addison had talked about operating on each other.

FLASHBACK 

The two residents sat against the wall, their hands clasped together tightly. Derek grins, staring at the redhead next to him.

"_What?"_

He frowns, shrugging.

"_What what?"_

"You're staring at me."

"You're my wife, I'm allowed to stare at you."

Addison laughs, closing her eyes.

"You did a good job in the OR today."

"That was only because I knew you were watching."

She laughs, closing her eyes tiredly.

"I'm serious. If I ever need brain surgery, you'll do the operating."

"I won't be allowed. I'm your husband. It's against the rules."

"Screw the rules. I won't let anyone else touch my brain."

"Awe thanks. If I ever get pregnant, you can deliver."

"If you ever get pregnant I want a divorce! That's seriously scary!"

Derek laughs, brushing his lips against Addison's.

"I don't think I'd want to operate on you. Ever."

"Why?"

"I love you too much. I'd crash thinking that I could make something go wrong."

"That's why I'd want you to operate. Because I love you."

She deepens their kiss, pulling him closer… Derek groans inside her mouth, tightening his grip around her.

"BP's falling fast."

Cristina's concerned voice pulls him out of his flashback and he frowns, instantly working faster.

"Dr. Shepherd, BP keeps falling."

"I just need to get this last bit off…"

"BP still falling. She's not responding to any of the medication."

"Transfuse another bag AB Negative."

George and Cristina share a quick look and Derek frowns.

"I'm almost done…"

Derek looks up into the gallery again, repressing a sigh when he notices Meredith's hand pressed against the glass. Strangely, seeing her there isn't comforting. He smiles, remembering how Addison used to watch his surgeries even when they were mad at each

other…

**FLASHBACK**

"I saw you in the gallery today. When I was assisting Heymann."

"I'm still mad at you."

Derek sighs, touching her face with his fingertips.

"This fight is ridiculous. I can't even remember what we're fighting about."

Addison rolls her eyes, turning to walk away.

"Marry me."

"What?"

"You heard me. I love you, Addison. I love you with everything that I am. When I saw you sitting there in the gallery, watching me… I just knew that… I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I want you to watch my every surgery, I want to watch your every surgery. I want to wake up with you in my arms, kiss you first thing in the morning and go to sleep with you every night."

He moves closer to her, taking her hands as he bends down on one knee, oblivious to the nurses and doctors staring at the couple.

"I want to steal your coffee even though I hate it sweet, I want to watch you get ready for work and I want to go shoe shopping with you. Most of all… I want to spend the rest of my life knowing that you're my wife, my family, my life. So… Addison Forbes Montgomery… will you please marry me?"

She stared at him in silence for the longest time, causing him to notice the many people around them, suddenly becoming VERY nervous. Then she bent down on her knees, cupping his face with both her hands and kissing him tenderly. When she spoke, her voice was barely audible.

"Yes, Derek Shepherd. I'll marry you. Nothing will make me happier than becoming your wife."

"Good job, Dr. Shepherd."

Derek suddenly notices that's he's successfully completed the surgery while reminiscing over the past and he smiles.

"Thank you, Dr. O'Malley."

He glances up at Meredith again before looking at George seriously.

"Take her into recovery and page me as soon as she wakes up. Or if her vitals change."

"You don't think…"

"No, the surgery went well… I don't foresee any problems. But you never know…"

George nods, smiling at Derek.

"I'll page you if anything comes up."

"Thanks O'Malley… Thank you."

"So that went well."

Meredith looks at Derek intently, grabbing his hands as soon as he exits the OR, her eyes searching his face.  
Derek nods, suppressing a yawn.

"Yeah."

"You're tired."

"It was a long surgery."

"You should take a nap."

"That's probably a good idea…"

"Want me to join you?"

Derek shakes his head, fighting the urge to fall asleep in the hallway.

"No… no thanks. I really need to rest."

"Okay… rest then."

Meredith sighs, walking off while Derek heads to the on-call room. He slowly drifts off to sleep, his mind still caught in the past. He slowly sits down on the bed, the realisation suddenly hitting him.

He operated on Addison. He was tired and scared. And the only thing that kept him going was the fact that he still loved her.

George sighs, staring at Addison. She's been taking unusually long to wake up from the anaesthesia – never a good sign. He breaths a sigh of relief when she moves, rushing forward.

"Dr Montgomery?"

There's no reaction and he raises his voice a little.

"Dr. Mont… Addison!"

She slowly opens her eyes, looking around confusedly.

"What… what happened?"

"You've had brain surgery, you're in recovery. I just need you to tell me if you can feel this."

He carefully pricks her lower leg with a pin and she winces, biting onto her lip.

"Owe. Yeah."

"Okay and…"

"Where's Derek?"

"Dr Shepherd is in an on-call room but he asked me to page him when you wake up, I'll do that now."

Addison nods, looking at him confusedly for a few seconds.

"Okay… I… who are you?"


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks so so so much for the reviews! They make me happy. What can I say, I'm shallow! Here's the next part… Hope you enjoy.

**CHAPTER 6**

"We got a problem! Where's Dr Shepherd, he's not answering my pages!"

George bites onto his lip, rushing around the corner frantically.

"Has anyone seen Dr Shepherd?"

He almost crashes into Mark, who looks at him curiously.

"What's going on?"

"Okay, so I was in Dr Montgomery's room and she was waking up so I did the test to see if she has feeling in her legs and she does which is good but then she asked where Dr Shepherd and I told her I was going to page him and she asked me who I was so I think she might have a certain extent of memory loss."

Mark looks at George blankly.

"You lost me at waking up."

George sighs, taking a deep breath.

"Dr Montgomery doesn't know who I am."

"WHAT?"  
"She has no idea who I am…"

Mark immediately speeds off to Addison's room, looking at George over his shoulder.

"Derek's asleep in an on-call room, not sure which one. Find him fast!" 

Addison looks up when Mark speeds into her room, smiling sweetly.

"Mark! Hey! Can you tell me what's going on here?"

He approaches her nervously, not sure exactly what she remembers.

"What do you want to know?"  
"Well, what exactly happened to me?"

"You had a brain tumour… do you remember that?"

"No… did Derek operate?"

"Ya…"

"Okay… why the hell are we in Seattle?"

Mark rubs his shoulders, avoiding her eyes.

"I… we… moved. All three of us."

"Oh…"

She yawns, looking at Mark.

"I bet Lisa was disappointed when we moved here."

"Lisa?"

He suddenly remembers the pretty brunette he dated for a while… six years ago. Mark tilts his head, looking at Addison curiously.

Six years ago he was dating Lisa.

They were living in New York.

And Addison and Derek were still happily married.

He pulls his features together, smiling.

"Yeah, she was heartbroken."  
Addison smiles, touching his cheek tenderly.

"You're such a man whore, Mark."

"Yeah, I know."

She sighs, staring at him worriedly.

"Is Derek okay?"

"Yeah, he's fine. He'll be right here…"

She sighs, touching her head.

"My head hurts. It really hurts."

"It would. Just…"

Mark breaks off speaking when Derek rushes in, looking worried.

"O'Malley said there were some complications with…"

He frowns when he notices Addison's awake and turns to face Mark, a quizzical frown on his forehead.

"Mark?"

Mark pulls Derek to the side, lowering his head.

"Addie's lost her memory. Well sort of. From what I can gather from talking to her… looks like she's about six years back."

"Six years? Where were we six years back?"

"In New York, working as attendin…"

"No, I mean…"

Derek lowers his voice even more, frowning.

"I mean Addison and I."

Mark shrugs, frowning slightly.

"You were an ecstatic happily married couple. What are you going to tell her?"

"I have no idea…"

"Well you'd better think fast because she's going to want to know."

Derek nods, approaching Addison. He brushes his lips against her forehead, smiling.

"Hey. How are you feeling?"

"A little groggy… but I'm okay."

"That's good."

"I can't remember anything about the tumour thing… or even moving to Seattle. When did we move here?"

"A while ago… Addie, we can discuss this later, you need to get some rest first."

Addison nods and Derek brushes his lips against hers tenderly.

"I'll be back again, okay?"

"Okay."

She closes her eyes, slowly slumbering in and Mark looks at Derek curiously.

"What are you up to?"

Derek pulls his friend out of Addison's room and into an exam room, looking at him excitedly.

"Addison wrote letters."

"Letters?"

"Yeah, to each of us. When she didn't know whether she was going to make it."

"So?"

"So… I'm going to read mine."

"Derek…"  
"No, look… Mark, she might still love me. Maybe… maybe this is our chance to start over."

Mark frowns, shaking his head slowly.

"You're really serious?"

"Yeah."  
"Okay, Derek, I have three problems with that. One – it's wrong. Two – you're dating Meredith. Three – It's wrong!"

"So is sleeping with your best friend's wife, but that didn't stop you."

"Why do you want to do this?"

Derek sighs, looking at the white tiles intently.

"Because I can't let her go again. I can't lose her again, I love her too much. And if there's any chance that she still might love me… then we deserve this chance."  
"What if she gets her memory back?"

Derek frowns, thinking a little.

"Yeah, I didn't quite figure that part out yet."

"Derek, listen man… don't do this."

"I'm going to do it Mark. And you can't stop me."  
"I just think…"

"Mark, please. I'm begging you, back me on this. I'll do anything."

"Fine."

"Thank you."

Mark stares at Derek for a few seconds and then smirks.

"But then I want my letter as well."

"What? No!"

"Derek, if you don't give me that damn letter, I will personally tell Addison the truth right now."

Derek sighs, rolling his eyes.

"Okay fine. You can have yours. I'll go get them, you make sure that NO ONE enters that room. I don't want anyone else to talk to Addie, not until I've talked to them."

Mark nods, turning to organize that while Derek rushes to Addison's car, his heart beating fast.

The letters are right where she said they'd be, each in a manila envelope with their names scribbled on it in Addison's familiar handwriting. He grabs all six letters, stuffing them in his pocket before rushing into the hospital to find Mark.

"You did it?"

"Ya, no one's going in there. I got a new intern to watch her and just told them it was your orders. So you can think up a reason."

"What? What reason can I give?"

"I don't know! This is your brilliant idea!"

"You don't know? You always have excuses, Mark!"

Mark thinks for a minute and then shakes his head.

"Yeah, I got nothing."

"Okay, I'll figure that out… they're going to find out about the whole memory loss thing anyway, right?"  
"Yeah…"

"So… I'll have to figure out a way for them not to tell her anything."

"How do you plan on doing that?"

"If I knew, I would have done it already! Now do you want the letter or not?"

Mark nods excitedly.

"Give it to me!"  
He grabs the letter from Derek and rushes off, clutching it in front of his heart. Derek looks at his letter for a long time before heading to an on-call room. He locks the door before sitting down on the bed, slowly opening the envelope.

So obviously Derek is going to read his letter and Mark his. Do you want anyone else to read their letter and if you do, who do you want it to be? I'll base my decision on the third person/letter will be based solely on what you say you want.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for the reviews. I'm kind of in a slump right now. I sit down at the computer with the intention to write and whenever I touch the keyboard everything is just… gone. I still have a lot of unposted-but-already-written chapters of More Than Us and Desire, but… I need some serious inspiration and I'm not getting it on Grey's! I'll watch some season2 episodes again when my sister brings her DVD's… there were some cute moments. In S3 Derek is just being a jerk.**

**I don't own Grey's Anatomy. If I did, Derek would have a brain.**

**Thanks for the reviews!! Really love it!**

**CHAPTER 7**

Derek stares at the words blankly, his heart racing. He takes a deep breath before starting to actually read it.

_Derek._

Starting your letter was the hardest. Not only the hardest letter to write, but the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Derek bites onto his lip, frowning guiltily. The hardest thing she's ever had to do? Harder than packing up her life and following him across the country? Harder than finding Meredith's underwear in his pocket? Harder than… He sighs before lowering his eyes to read further.

_There are so many things that I want to apologize for. So many things I want to thank you for. _

_Thank you for being the love of my life and my best friend. Thank you for every second of happiness that you gave me. Thank you for being Derek._

Derek sighs, feeling tears jumping to his eyes. She's thanking him for the happiness he gave her? What about the hurt? What about the times he hurt her? How could she thank him for being Derek… if he hated himself for it at this instant?

Derek, I never got to tell you how sorry I was about Mark.

Uh-oh. The M-word.

I never told you why it happened either. Derek, I did it because I wanted to hurt you. I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me. I wanted you to break and I wanted to be the one to break you. I wanted to see you break.

But he didn't. How horrible that must have been for her… when he didn't show that he was hurt, when he didn't cry, didn't break down. She must have thought that he didn't care!

It was wrong and I know that. I ruined Derek-and-Addison. And I'll never forgive myself for that.

Derek shakes his head, his hands trembling.

"No, Addie… you didn't ruin us. You didn't ruin us alone. We both did wrong."

I know you think that I stopped loving you, but I never did. I never will. Derek, you'll always be the love of my life. You're still the reason why I get up in the morning. Well got up. I don't know how to say that, it's complicated.

There it was! Derek has to physically grab onto the bed and bite onto his lip to not jump up and shout "YES!" He grins widely, tracing the words. Okay, so she wanted him to read this when she was dead… but still! She still loved him. Derek smiles, tracing the words with his fingers.

"I never stopped loving you either, Addie…"

Derek, it's not your fault. I want you to know that. I know you're going to blame yourself if anything happens to me and I want you to know that it's not your fault. Please don't blame yourself.

Sweet Addie… she knows him better than anyone else. She knew he'd blame himself if she'd died so she wrote him a letter to comfort him. Just like she'd always been his comfort.

I want you to tell Meredith that I don't hate her. She thinks I do, but I really don't.

Riiight… and I'm going to do that because? A thought suddenly jumps into his head.

"Ugh. I'm going to have to tell Meredith something. No idea what though… Yikes."

Please forgive Mark for New York. He was your best friend. I want you to remember that. He was your brother, Derek. Please forgive him.

Derek smirks, looking at the words for a long time. She was still looking out for him. She knew he'd need Mark if something happened to her. And besides, Mark was helping him here. So… New York never happened then.

_I'll love you always… Please be happy._

_Yours forever;_

_Addie_

Derek grins, folding the letter and carefully putting it in his pocket. If he was still doubting about what to do, that ending changed things completely. Yours forever. Be happy. How else was he going to be happy? He nods slowly before walking to Addison's room. He knew exactly what to tell her.

**So that was Derek's letter. The other one I'm definitely putting in is Mark. She also wrote to Alex, Bailey, Callie and Richard. But their letters aren't really that vital to the story. I might decide to have one of them find out about the letters and read it but I don't know. Oh and should Derek tell Meredith that Addison doesn't hate her?**


	8. Chapter 8

**I know I suck at updating this… but here is the update… Sorry for taking so long. If you read my other fics, you probably know that I'm going away for a week. So I'm going to update when I get back, because there is no internet connection. The sad story of my life. I'm going to die without internet!!!**

**Here's the next part, hope you like. Thanks for the reviews, they make me happy. And Merry Christmas!**

CHAPTER 8

Addison opens her eyes when the door opens, grinning when she sees Derek standing there with his trademark grin.

"Hey…"

"Hey sweetheart."

He walks up to her, leaning over to kiss her tenderly.

"How are you feeling?"

Addison looks at him for a long time and sighs.

"Confused."

"Yeah… you have… amnesia."  
"I have amnesia? But… no, I mean… I know… a lot of things, I know who I am, I know who you are, I know…"

"Addie!"

He holds his hands up, smiling down at her.

"Breathe. You lost the last six years."

"Okay but… why?"

Derek sighs, taking her hand.

"I wish I knew. But… you know the memory is still a mystery."

"So that didn't change in the last six years then?"  
Derek laughs, shaking his head.

"No. That didn't change."

"But… we moved to Seattle?"

"Yeah."

"And Mark moved with us?"

Derek grins, nodding.

"You know Mark."

"Yeah… Derek, I'm a little lost here. I mean… I don't know what's been happening in the last six years… I don't know… who my friends are, who anyone besides you and Mark are actually… I don't even know where I live!"

Derek smiles, stroking over her cheek with his thumb.

"We live in a trailer in the woods."

"Seriously? A trailer? I agreed to live in a trailer?"

"We're planning a house."

"We are?"

"Ya."

"How long have we been here?"

"About… four years…"

"And we're only planning a house now?"

Derek laughs, brushing his lips against hers.

"You love the trailer."

"I highly doubt that."

"You love it. Especially the shower… you love the shower…"

Addison laughs, resting her hand against his cheeks.

"Six years… and you haven't changed one bit. You're still as dirty minded as ever."

Derek laughs, shaking his head.

"I said you love the shower. There's nothing dirty about that."

Addison grins, running her fingers through his hair.

"I love you. I love you so much."

Derek leans forward, brushing his lips against hers.

"I love you too. More than anything in this world."

Addison looks at Derek quizzically.

"So do I work here? And is this whole memory loss thing going to affect my job?"

"I'll talk to Richard and…"

"Richard? Richard Webber?"

Derek nods, smiling.

"Ya. He's chief here."

"Wow."

Derek holds his hand, squeezing it.

"I know it's a lot to take in. But you're going to get through this."

Addison smiles, pressing his hand against her lips.

"I know. I have you."

Derek nods, kissing her fervently.

"You'll always have me. No matter what anyone says… no matter how people act, you'll always have me and I love you. I'll always love you."

Addison grins, running her fingers through his hair.

"So that didn't change?"

Derek shakes his head, kissing her again.

"That… didn't change at all. Not even for a minute."

Mark sits down on the stairs before opening his letter, the words a swirly mess.

_Hey, man whore! _

He laughs, shaking his head. She's always called him a man whore. Even before… It was a silly joke between them, but somewhere along the way that joke went sour. He knew she meant it as a joke again… and that meant she still loved him. As a friend.

_Mark, I know that we've messed up._

_We've messed up badly._

_We hurt the person we both love most._

_We hurt each other._

He nods slowly, tears forming in his eyes. Being with Addison was… the best and worst thing he's ever done…

_I know I hurt you. I know you didn't break the deal, Mark. I did. I know you saw us and I'm so sorry for hurting you like that. For not really giving you a chance._

She knew? How did she know? Would… no, Derek wouldn't have told her. Would he?

_I think about her, you know. The baby. Our baby._

_I think about her every day, I swear. I think about what she'd look like, what she'd like. I do think about her, Mark._

At a time, that would have made him happy. At a time he wanted to know that she was miserable about the baby. But now… it broke his heart to know that she was carrying this with her. Well… technically she wasn't carrying it with her now.

_But keeping her wouldn't have been fair. Not to me, not to the baby. Not to you. It wouldn't have been fair to you at all!_

_You weren't ready, Mark. You weren't ready for a child or commitment. And I think that you know that deep down. Even if you don't want to admit it._

She's right. He hates it, but she's right. He wasn't ready for that and… they would have been miserable together. The child would have been miserable…

_But one day you'll be ready, Mark. One day you're going to find a woman who'll be enough for you. _

You could have been that woman. He shakes his head sadly. No, that wasn't true. He loved her, he was crazy about her and… she was amazing in every way. But he knew that he wouldn't have been able to settle down with her. Not with his best friend's wife.

_I know you think that I never loved you, but I did. I loved you, Mark. Just not enough._

A jolt jumps through his heart. It was comforting to know that she'd loved him too.

_I'm sorry for hurting you, Mark. I'm sorry for not loving you like you loved me. _

_Lots of love;_

_Addie_

Mark puts the letter down, sighing. Derek… he was doing the right thing. Addison had a chance at a fresh start. She could have her life over without the mistakes she'd made. Without the hurt haunting her every day. And she deserved that.

Mark slowly stands up, thrusting the letter back into his pocket.

He wouldn't tell her. And he'd kill anyone who did.


End file.
